Red
' Red' is a fun-loving guy who almost never takes things seriously. He wears a backwards red cap and is best friends with his roommate Blue, a calm guy who is the complete opposite of Red. His catchphrase is simply "Yeah, right!", but on numerous occasions, he has been known to yell "Hey, ladies!" And on one occasion he says "Catchphrase." in Traffic Jams just before he and Blue slay the Dragon Turtle . He is also seen to be a very violent character, as he is seen killing a lot of people at Maulmart in Flame War, smashing through the window of a church and slaughtering inoccent people with a katana in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, "perfectly murdering" Broseph in Zombies & Shotguns and killing on numerous other occasions. He is voiced by creator, Ed Skudder. Trivia *Red and Blue have been friends for a long time. In "Captain Red Rum &the Pina Colada Armada", their friendship is comfirmed on Facester. *Red is roommates with Blue. *Red is amoral since he can't tell right from wrong *He hates Broseph. *He is the most liked character in the series (confirmed by comments). *Red beats gravity in many episodes. *In He who Shall Not Be Maimed, and Role Playas, Red is a knight named Maroon *He seems to be the only character that wears his cap backwards. *There are six episodes where Red does not wear a cap. In "Panda Hat", he removes his cap when he talks up a woman, in "Flame War" while using his flamethrower, his cap does not appear, while in "Role Playas", "Fang Angels", and "Captain Red Rum & the Pina Colada Armada" he wears a bandana and in "The Adventures of Batman & The Bloser" since was wearing the Batman ears the whole time. *Apparently, he owns a Katana and a pump shotgun, as they are always usually in his possession. *He apparently is an alcoholic, as seen in Panda Hat. *Red is Emperor of the Crimson Empire. *He has only done good on 6 occasions: **When Kitty Amazing kills people in the city, Red ends the cat's reign of terror by placing the cat in front of a mirror, which causes the cat to turn to stone. **In "Role Playas", Red kills Black because he was attacking Blue. **In "Attack of the Pwns", Red let Blue live and took the two jet packs with him to get out of the escape pod before they died a firey death in the sun, but once they ran out of gas, he left him there to die. **In "Lord Tourette's Syndrome", he helps Lord Tourettes find his hat but only for the treasure. **In "Adventures of Batman & The Bloser", he (as Batman) and Blue (as Bloser) defeat Earl Grey and restored the colors of all of the people (including Lord Tourettes) who got their color drained by Earl Grey's bombs. **In "Modern Flame War 3", he saved the internet with Blue and Jason (Trollzor). *In Camp Anarchy, Red revealed that he lost his virginity to a tree. *Red's voice has been Auto-Tuned three times in the series, "A Bee or Something", "Bath Rhymes", and "Camp Anarchy". *Judging by the picture in the episode Butt Genie, Red's wish is to rule the world. *Red is shown to have a talent in making up songs as he makes up an entire song in Bath Rhymes and a little rap in Camp Anarchy and another rap in Attack of the Pwns. *He is the current leader of the Crimson Armada. *His gameplay name is Maroon or RedD3ATH. *He and Blue get into pretty heated arguments that could end up in war. (Attack of the Pwns) *Red dislikes Lord Tourettes, but in Lord Tourette's Syndrome he only helps him for the treasure. In Season 3 he doesn't seem to be disliking Lord Tourettes anymore. *As of Fang Angels, he has a criminal record. **In We're Cops!, ''he carjacked a police cruser. *Red possibly has super-human strength because in Lord Tourette's Syndrome he could lift a building, in Fang Angels the barbell he lifted was a total of 20,000 pounds and in Steakosaurus he could lift the Proton Desinigrator with ease even though it is larger than him in length. *Red is the captain of the Pina Colada Armada, whose crew consists of himself, Blue, Raccoon, and beautiful wenches. *Red's friendship with Blue is confirmed on Facester. *Red has a song on the Dick Figures Season 1 Soundtrack called "Yo Butt" in which Raccoon is the guest singer. *Red has superpowers: **Enhanced Strength as seen in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, Fang Angels and Steakosaurus. **Defying gravity in many episodes. **Laser Eyes in Sex Marks the Spot and Adventures of Batman & The Bloser. **He can eat barbed wire without getting hurt in Modern Flame War 3. *Many fans agree that the reason why he is floating in most episodes is because of his hat, like how Lord Tourettes' hat is the reason why L.T. swears when he spazzes. However the episode Brain Switch shows Red floating while being in Blues body. *Red has a Twitter page called Red_ImBatman . *It's shown in Sex Marks the Spot that he hides his porn mags and boob pics in a temple-like part of his home, because internet doesn't have "the weird stuff". **He is a fan of the classic "strange stuff" as well as modern pornography, yet no one knows if he does not watch Internet porn. *Red has Laser Eyes as revealed in Sex Marks the Spot **This could be a reference to the lyrics to Bath Rhymes.'' *Red may have found a "love of the law" in We're Cops!.'' *It's confirmed Red is awesome as of the first episode, A Bee or Something. *Possibly based on the main Pokemon character with the same name. *Red's real name might be John Kimble, as mentioned by himself in the episode Terminate-Her! *Red is known to eat barb wire and drink his own pee as of Modern Flame War 3 or just a reference to Bear Grylls. *Red has shown to be a very good shot in multipule episodes like Modern Flame War 3 and Flame War. *Red might have died in the explosion from Stacy, the only one with boobs that can destroy anything in Modern Flame War 3, but since that Blue and Trollz0r survived in the end, there is a most likely chance he and Stacy survived as well. *It is odd to see how Red was not exited for Modern Flame War 3 when in Flame War he killed multiple people for it, this could be because as Blue said it was just the same game and that he was really busy finding the perfect boobs. Appearances A Bee or Something This marks Red's first appearance. He acquires a cool Auto-Tuned voice from a singing bee he swallowed. This is much loved by ladies until he farts the bee out of his system. After a long fart, Blue asked why he is friends with him. Red answers: "'Cuuuuuuuuuz I'm awesome!" Panda Hat Today is Red's birthday. However Red got drunk. Blue tried to control him, but ultimately failed. Red then tried to impress a girl with a knock knock joke. It seemed to be successful, but it was only due to his incredibly thick beer goggles. What actually happened is revealed to be that Red could only manage to get to 'knock knock' due to severe giggles caused by his intoxicated state, and was hit on the head with a broken beer bottle by the girl. Red continued to act weirdly, even dunking his head in a toilet. He then started to vomit all over Blue, much to Blue's dismay. Flame War Red and Blue are in the Roflcopter to jump to Maulmart to get a game,which ended in a Black Ops killing spree. After many kills Red got the game, planted C4 bombs in the mall and carried Blue away with him to the Roflcopter. At home, they finally played the game. Episode ends with Red slaying Pedobear and yelling "LEEEROOOOOY JENKINS!" Traffic Jams While Blue is waiting in traffic in his car, Red surprisingly leaned his face into the wall demanding Blue to let him in. He made a whole lot of problems in the car. Red complains about the classical music Blue was playing and changed it into a Dubstep tune. Blue turned it off complaining it was raping his mind. Red tries to sleep but ended up popping Blue's airbag when he leaned. Blue complains that he broke his airbag but Red replied that he didn't need an airbag anyway. Suddenly, a fire-breathing turtle appeared out of nowhere and was squashing cars,blowing them up. Red took back his previous comment, and told Blue he's gonna need an airbag. Red and Blue got out of the car. Red grabbed a sword and slayed the "dragon" along with Blue. Steakosaurus Red complains about being hungry again. He makes Blue take them to a store which specializes in ancient things﻿. Despite being warned, he pays the clerk (Raccoon) for the time machine. He controls the time machine and takes them to different eras before finally going to the dinosaur age. He fails at a few plans and finally kills all of the dinosaurs with a futuristic gun and ate them along with Blue. The episode ends with a meteor crashing into the Earth. OMG During a few of Blue's bad dreams, Red appears in bed next to him, walking in the hallway while refusing to help Blue because he had to go to bathroom, appearing as a planet, paper cut-outs, a spider, and a cell. The episode ends with Raccoon waking up, revealing that it was Raccoon having all the dreams (which is a reference to Ice Age 3 where Manny dreaming of his wife Ellie's fate). Trouble Date While Blue is having his date with Pink, Red surprisingly came into the restaurant while making out with Stacy loudly and sings a revision of what he sang in A Bee or Something, then he brags to Blue that he is getting laid. He then proceeds to eat Blue's dinner while Stacy did the same before the two make out on the now burning table. Kitty Amazing While taking out the trash, he finds a cat which he names Kitty Amazing. He shows Kitty Amazing around but ends up killing people by its cuteness, melting all their hearts. To stop the carnage, Red kills Kitty Amazing and at the end of the episode, he plays fetch with Blue, as blue forgot to catch it it landed shattering. Role Playas He was playing a D & D game with Pink and Blue but Pink gets bored and leaves. But his character, Maroon, has a blast killing ogres and saving Cerulean the Wizard from the Black Night. Attack of the Pwns He wages a war against Blue due to the fact that Red ate the frozen burrito in the fridge. After both their ships crash, He and Blue fight mano e mano. After a decisive blow, Blue falls down and could've been killed by Red, but he chose not to and saved both of their lives from a firey death in the sun. Zombies & Shotguns Red tries and fails to open a bag of crisps. Zombies attack and he says there were made by satan. He kills 5 of them including Gray which he calls "the perfect murder". Camp Anarchy Red owes Blue so they work at Camp Redwood. Its revealed that Red lost his virginity to a tree. He teaches the kids how to use dynamite and gives them guns. He then persuades the kids to kill Bigfoot and he watches them kill it happily. His autotuned voice returns in this episode. Butt Genie Red unleashes a genie from a teapot and wants the wish to rule (with T. Rexes, kittens and tigers). After a long argument he shuts up the genie therefore stopping any more wishes been granted, much to Blue's anger. Lord Tourette's Syndrome Red helps Lord Tourettes find his hat though only for treasure. In the process, he kills in a church, shifts his rival Racoon ''and the Hat Factory. In the end he gets his reward (A boob pic) and says Merry Christmas, Blue then corrects him saying its summertime. Fang Angels Red gives Blue a call thinking its Stacy. It turns out he's in jail. After many actions in jail he escapes only to be jailed again after robbing the bank (This process probably repeats itself again and again). Captain Redrum and the Pina Colada Armada Red becomes Captain of a pirate ship and goes by the name "Captain Redrum". In this episode, he kills Lord Tourettes (with a gun) and Pink (by sinking her ship) and steals Blue's Pina Colada. Y U So Meme? Red gets pwned by an ass called TrollZor and is pretty pissed off about it. He gets Blue to find his location by using his "Nerdy Powers(Preferred to be called a hacker)" , he finds TrollZor, trashes his home, breaks his heart with the Fat Ugly Girl and punishes Blue for hanging out with him. He says "Hakuna Matata", a parody to The Lion King. Sex Marks the Spot Red breaks the toliet, finds a treasure map, kills natives, and gets treasure. This treasure turns out be porn magazines. He then later pervs Blue as he tries to use the toilet. It is shown he still has the petrified Kitty Amazing. We're Cops! Red steals a police car and gets away with everything (including shooting hookers and robbing the bank). Adventures of Batman & The Bloser Red is batman once again, and Blue is his depressed sidekick. When Batman discouvers a policeman, grey and dying, he asks him about what happened. The officer responds, saying "he" T-Bagged everyone, and is trying to turn the world black and white, begging him to help. Soon the villan, Earl Grey" appears, and The Bloser comes up with an idea, pulling out a prism, and asking Red-er, Batman, to shoot lasers from his eyes directly to the prism, recoloring the whole city. Real Dudes Bros Night Man Red appears here, where Lord Tourettes, Blue, The Raccoon and Mr. Dingleberry are playing poker with him. Broseph comes in and tells his manly story, only to have Red shoot him with a Handgun. Red then claims that he drank a gallon of rubbing alcohol, ate a bowl of firecrackers and hand grenades for breakfast, went outside and built a hanglider out of a chainsaw and barbed wire and used it to cut a siberian tiger in space, which he then barbecued on the sun, then ate the siberian tiger's ribs and scalped his fur off, after that he killed a fire demon from the 20th dimension, then saved a monster truck full of girls, then got massaged by a thousand Brazillian supermodels on a beanbag made out of kitten fur. Although like Broseph, he obviously made it all up. Terminate-Her! In this episode, Red appears as The Terminator, with sunglasses with a red pupil in one of the sides. Throughout the episode, he tries to locate Sarah Connor, eventually he finds Sarah Connors and defenistrates her (throws her out the window). However, Sarah Connors forms herself into Chad Quandt, then blades come out of his/her hands. Modern Flame War 3 In this episode, Red is in a never ending quest, to search for the perfect boobs, taking up 99% of the internet to download porn. Not contented by the benefits, he threatens the operator (a.k.a Stacy) to give him the last 1%. Gallery Red 4.jpg Red 3.jpg Red 2.jpg Red 1.jpg Red 10.jpg Red 9.jpg Red 8.jpg Red 7.jpg Red 6.jpg Red 20.jpg Red 19.jpg Red 18.jpg Red 17.jpg Red 16.jpg Red 15.jpg Red 14.jpg Red 13.jpg Red 12.jpg Red 29.jpg Red 28.jpg Red 27.jpg Red 11.jpg Red 26.jpg Red 25.jpg Red 24.jpg Red 23.jpg Red 22.jpg Red 21.jpg Red 40.jpg Red 39.jpg Red 38.jpg Red 37.jpg Red 36.jpg Red 35.jpg Red 34.jpg Red 33.jpg Red 32.jpg Red 31.jpg Red 2.10.jpg Red 2.9.jpg Red 2.8.jpg Red 2.7.jpg Red 2.6.jpg Red 2.5.jpg Red 2.4.jpg Red 2.3.jpg Red 2.2.jpg Red 2.1.jpg Shit.png Redplanet.png Panda Hat 72.jpg Redswish.png Untitled 2.png|Red as a little kid from Camp Anarchy. RedDF.png|Red taken from dick figures music video website Batman1.PNG Batman4.PNG Batman6.PNG Autotunedisco.png Troll Face.png|Tr0ll red in flame war.PNG|Red in Flame War red in flame war 2.PNG|Red using a flamethrower in Flame War red pwnage.PNG|Red pwning in Flame War DF.png|Red and blue in Axel Cross XDD style.|link=http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/dickfigures/images/thumb/a/a6/DF.png/200px-DF.png Capture.PNG Red with a sword.jpg|Red Attacking Raccoon on Zeusbag|link=http://dickfigures.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles# Red in Zeus.jpg|link=http://dickfigures.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles Category:Characters Category:Season 1 Category:Season 2 Category:Season 3